drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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