I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His hands were made for my vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
