is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize