He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
