Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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