I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
