Don't you send me to vm
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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