i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
