pedialite and red bull = repair kit
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The adults are the big ones right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
