Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
