how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
