I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
