Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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