I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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