the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
