if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
