you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
