My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
