We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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