Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
