I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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