i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
