So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
