Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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