did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize