Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize