Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry my hands just texted you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize