Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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