Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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