I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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