You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
