I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
