Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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