Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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