I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
