For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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