so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
