she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
