Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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