Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
