tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
