Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
