I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
