On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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