Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
