i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
