So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
