Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
