Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
