I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
