you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
