turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
