took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
