i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
