My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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