I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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