ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
