you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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