You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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