I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize