Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
