I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
be right there i have to get my cape
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
