Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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