I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
