Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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