that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
