We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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