the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
